Around the World of Dating in 90 Days – Date 16

 

seasons52

Delicious dessert

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #6 Date 3
Location: AMC La Jolla 12 and Seasons 52

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 3
  2. Did I enjoy myself? EH
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? Yes
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? No
  6. Highlights:
    1. I really like the theater. Reclining chairs FTW!
    2. Seasons 52: Great wine, lobster flatbread, saucy salmon, and then the desserts!! The desserts, OMG: we ordered the pecan pie and chocolate and peanut butter

What did I learn about myself on this date?
I learned that I don’t like men who say stuff like “You’re so hot” and “I want you” on our third date. Or maybe I just didn’t like this particular man saying that. But c’mon, really? He was getting all handsy at the movie theater and I had to be firm with him. I mean, how old are we?? I’m a grown woman and did NOT feel like fending off someone who was behaving like a horny teenager. I did like the movie (Wonder Woman) and made it clear that it was “movie” time, not “makeout” time, but he was pretty persistent which was annoying. Finally he settled down, after which he fell asleep not too long after.

I almost didn’t want to do the followup dinner afterwards, but I DO like Seasons 52, so I thought, why not? And there’s only so much canoodling he could do in a restaurant, right? So Seasons 52 was good food and thankfully, pretty decent conversation so B#6 was redeeming himself slightly, but then he started up the whole “I want you” talk again. I said I had an early morning the next day since my son had a basketball game. He didn’t seem to care about this bit of info (which only involved one of the most important people in my life), which cemented me not caring about him. If he was smart, and perhaps less horny, he would’ve remembered in my dating profile that I referred to my kids as the “two most important people in the world to me.” Needless to say I’m not seeing B#6 again.

Takeaway: I wasn’t able to tell on my first date with B#6 that he was such a horny toad. In all fairness, I understand that sex is important and men typically do have sex more on their minds than women do. But sheesh man, I would prefer a bit more finesse, romance, genuine care and etiquette in the pursuit of getting into my pants. Into my heart and mind first, then the pants.

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Around the Dating World in 90 Days – Date 15

microchip.jpg

Goals:
I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #9 Date 3
Location: His house in Carmel Mountain

  1. On a of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 9
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Yes
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? Yes
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. He has a very nice, unpretentious, yet beautifully decorated and taken care of home
    2. His back patio looks like something out of Home and Garden, with two large rosemary bushes, and trees: apple, avocado, orange, fig
    3. Because he has a Masters in Electrical Engineering and he, apparently, likes to build, he put in all the lighting and sound system in his home
    4. He’s a great cook: he made dosas, chana masala, salmon, brown rice, broccoli and carrots
    5. He played a couple of different hand drums (yay! entertain me!)
    6. He showed pictures of and shared stories of his family
    7. It was the first date I’ve ever been on where I “played” with a microchip (see pic)
    8. He was a gentleman
    9. We talked till past 1am

What did I learn about myself on this date?
I like engineers who are creative braniacs, handy, and talented. And who like to feed me.

Takeaway: Hmm…I was hesitant about this one because he doesn’t have a steady stream of income due to his startup business. But it was obvious from the care and work he put into his home and with what he shared with me that he’s fully capable and not a deadbeat. I’m open to seeing him again.

Around the Dating World in 90 Days – Date 14

sammysGoals:
I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor One-That-I-Love [short version]
Bachelor One-That-I-Love-But-He-Won’t-Commit-After-2-Years-of-Dating [long version]
Location: Sammy’s Woodfired Pizza and The Lot in Point Loma

  1. On a of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 10
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Yes
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? Yes
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. As the description of this Bachelor states, I love him, so of course just being with him makes me view the world in technicolor: colors are brighter, food tastes better, and I’m really happy.
    2. The lebni bread and cheese at Sammy’s – yum yum, my favorite thing on their menu
    3. The Lot – what a great location for salsa dancing on Sunday nights! The last couple of ventures I had dancing brought me to a decidedly more senior demographic – like senior-senior, people who looked like they were in their 60s. But the Lot had a younger, more energetic, sexier crowd. And I thought, Well, hallelujah, the salsa community in San Diego is still alive and kicking instead of retiring taking their teeth out, and getting ready for bed.
    4. I was annoyed when he invited his female friend to hold onto him as she was recording the dance company perform since she was falling off the chair she was perched on to get a better view. It might sound strange to put this as a highlight, but the highlight was that I told him it annoyed me and why it did and he said, “You’re right.” Yes, I am right.
    5. He YouTubed how to change a headlight bulb of a New Beetle and then he changed it for me.

What did I learn about myself on this date?
After two years, Bachelor#2Years, still knows how to sweep me off my feet. It doesn’t hurt that he’s an excellent dancer and always plans fun dates for us. Someone who is fun and has high energy are factors that may mean more to me than I even realize. I may be an idiot for loving him still, though it really doesn’t feel like I have a choice in the matter. I’m doing what I can to detach, including my 90 days.

Takeaway: Heart and mind are still working on getting aligned. B#2Years most likely won’t ever change his non-committal ways or his penchant for befriending pretty ladies and then annoying me by flirting with said pretty ladies.

Around the Dating World in 90 Days – Date 13

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #9 Date 2
Location: Torch and Blarney Stone Pub

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 8
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Yes
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? Yes
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. It was past 10:00pm and I was out salsa dancing with my girlfriend and he still made the effort to come out and see me. If I didn’t enjoy his company I wouldn’t extend the invite, but he said he missed me and I have to say I was impressed with his quick follow-up after our first date. Our first date was on Wednesday and this semi-date was on Friday.
    2. After he drove me home there was a woman at the front of my complex who was totally out of it – looked like she was under the influence of something: drugs or alcohol or both. He stopped to help her even though he seemed totally at a loss at what to do, and called me. Honestly at first I was annoyed that he got me involved (uh, why are you involving me in what could potentially be a dangerous situation??) but then I saw all these other cars passing by and how they didn’t even care to help. I appreciate that he was being a Good Samaritan and that not knowing what to do didn’t stop him and he reached out to me since I’m a woman who may not be as threatening to another woman and this person may possibly be my neighbor. We called the paramedics and waited for the ambulance to come.

What did I learn about myself on this date?
At the pub after salsa dancing, he paid for my beer and offered to get my friend something (she didn’t want anything). I’m not a big fan of beer, but we all wanted to talk more about business and startups and for some reason, bars frown upon people who just want to sit and talk and drink water. So we had some beer and as all three of us were chatting about business I learned how important it is for me to be with someone who is intellectually on the same or, in this case, smarter wavelength. I mean, this guy is a brainiac with two engineering degrees, an MBA, and a partridge in a pear tree. (kidding about the partridge).

Takeaway: B#9 doesn’t have a lot of money at the moment, but he has drive, ambition, and most importantly a good heart. And he has assets. So yeah, that helps.

Around the Dating World in 90 Days – Date 12

raspberry truffle cake

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #9
Location: Loving Hut & 85 degrees Bakery

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 8
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Yes
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? Yes
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. We talked so much that we were there till after the restaurant closed down and instead of ending the night he wanted to continue to conversation and get me dessert at 85 degrees bakery.
    2. We walked around the 85 degrees bakery mall until after all the shops closed down, just talking and getting to know each other.

What did I learn about myself on this date?
He’s an entrepreneur who had been working in the corporate world previously as an engineer and then as a marketer for a company in San Diego for 15 years. This is his first year running his own self-funded startup and he’s not only very intellectual, but he seems to have a very strong spiritual side too which I really connected with.

I learned that I prefer men who 1) feed me well (dessert is always a nice bonus!) 2) are open and candid about their beliefs and are more spiritual than rule-driven religious

Takeaway: Since B#9 is in his first year running his startup with literally just one customer under his belt he has no steady income stream at the moment. As a mother of two, this is a bit of a concern for me. Not only about the lack of stability/security, but also: can he really have time for a relationship if he’s getting his business off the ground?

I may see B#9 again, but I’m looking for someone more settled at this stage in his life.

Around the Dating World in 90 Days – Date 11

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #8
Location: Marina Kitchen

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 8
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Yes
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? No
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. Food – GLORIOUS food!! He’s the sous chef and he specially prepared a gourmet 8-course meal for me and my family for my son’s birthday dinner
    2. The walnut shrimp
    3. The swordfish
    4. The 45-day aged steak – I didn’t eat it, but everyone else said it was delicious
    5. …AND he made a tres leches sheet cake for my son’s birthday with Minecraft (my son’s favorite) printed with edible ink on it…
    6. …AND he gave both my kids boxes of macarons and chocolates at the end of the night, telling them that he promised to give their mommy cookies (my favorite) when we met

What did I learn about myself on this date?
My willingness to say “YES” to what comes up can yield some amazing surprises. Did I mention that this was my first time ever meeting this man? We had been texting for a couple of weeks, but with our busy schedules it seemed like we wouldn’t be able to meet any time soon. When I told him my parents would be in town for my son’s birthday and therefore I wasn’t available to go on a date this week, he suggested that I bring everyone to his kitchen. Talk about ballsy. But he got my attention, so I thought, Well, why not? OK, yes!

Takeaway: What I lacked in quantity for dates this week I definitely made up in quality. This man totally blew me away! An eight-course meal, a reserved section in the restaurant where we were the only table, VIP treatment from the servers, and all that delicious food…He really went all out to make it a special night for my son’s birthday and I was so impressed with his thoughtfulness, professionalism, and ahhh..his yummy, velvety voice. For some reason I was worried that he might have a Mickey Mouse voice or something because we’d never even spoken on the phone!  Why that was the only thing I was worried about, I don’t know.

We texted afterwards and we agreed to see each other again – this time without my entourage.

My previous date underwhelmed me by his lack of passion. B#8 is so passionate about his cooking and sharing what he loves. I could taste it in his food, how he engaged with us throughout the night, and in our texts. I’m really looking forward to seeing B#8 again!

 

Around the World in 90 Days – Date 10

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #6 Date 2
Location: Draft Republic (UTC)

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 6
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Yes
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? Yes
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. He asked me if I wanted to take a picture of the tuna tataki before we ate it. (I did).
    2. I accidentally called him the wrong name and he didn’t bat an eye. Either he didn’t hear me (my guess) or he’s super smooth and understands that hey, these things happen. Haha!

What did I learn about myself on this date?
This was a 2-hour date…seems to be my minimum time so far on these dates with the exception of Mr. Sahara. This was my second date with B#6 and although I still found him interesting, I felt less connected. He didn’t want to talk about his views on relationships because he felt it was too soon to have conversations like that, and I appreciated that he was able to communicate that in an honest, mature, and respectful way.

Although the logic behind B#6 on not wanting to be too emotionally open this early on is well, logical, I still found that to be a turn-off, oddly enough. I checked out and lost interest in the other legitimately cool stuff he wanted to share with me – like how he’s traveled all around the world, slept outside on a park bench in one of my favorite cities, Paris, when he couldn’t find his youth hostel, went drag racing, and some other stuff which I can’t even remember now.

Takeaway: Talking about events or people, worldly accomplishments…those do nothing for me without some deeper meaning to give it context. Talking about ideas and what you’re passionate about, what you feel and why, etc., is what gets my attention and inspires me. Hubba-hubba, show me your passion and I’ll show you mine.

Around the World of Dating in 90 Days – Date 9

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #2 Date 3
Location: Bier Garden Encinitas

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 7
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Yes
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? No
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. Bier Garden is beautiful – it has these twiggy trees adorned with fairy lights
    2. We ate cookies and ice cream afterwards, sitting side by side. He held the bowl and while we were chatting he would break up the cookies with his spoon, add ice cream so it was one spoonful of cookie and ice cream, and feed me. It felt natural and sweet (pun intended).

What did I learn about myself on this date?
We chatted for 5 hours and in that time we talked about our jobs, family pets, and then the heavier stuff like the last days of our marriages as they were falling apart, divorce, the day he and his ex told his children that they were separating. It occurred to me that I never dated a man before who had gone through a divorce with children, and his honesty and ability to communicate openly about it really touched me. And I found myself thankful to be in the company of a man who understood the emotional impact of a divorce, and how his story gave me the space to acknowledge and love the part of me that is still healing from it.

Takeaway: Oh no! I like B#2.

Around the World of Dating in 90 Days – Date 8

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #7
Location: Daphne’s Greek Cafe and Cold Stone Creamery

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 7
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Yes
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? Yes
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. He’s been following Tony Robbins for 10+ years so that is a great rapport-builder
    2. He is attentive and generous

What did I learn about myself on this date?
B#7 too closely resembles a past experience i.e. the same lesson in a different pair of pants. And I learned I don’t feel inspired going down that route since I’ve been there, done that. It might not be fair to make that judgment at this point, but from what I learned so far, I can trust my gut and this just feels too familiar to ignore.

Takeaway: This 90-Day project is about exploring, which by definition means “new.” With that in mind, I won’t spend time traveling down a road I’ve traveled down several times before.

Around the World of Dating in 90 Days – Date 7

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #6 
Location: Ballast Point

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 9
  2. Did I enjoy myself? YES
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? Yes
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. Had a glass of wine, calamari, AND a shrimp salad: I came from Zumba class and I was HUNGRY, so I was happy he fed me even though it was the first time we met and even talked
    2. When he stopped in the middle of dinner to tell me he was having a great time (I was too!)
    3. That I arrived in my Zumba workout clothes, sweaty, hair a mess, and he was all dressed up, smelling great with cologne, and looking… well, showered unlike me

What did I learn about myself on this date?
I can trust my instincts. For some reason when I swiped right on B#6 in the dating app I just knew in my gut that this would be an “easy” date, meaning I’d feel comfortable, be myself, and that I’d have an instant easy rapport. I didn’t know if there would be chemistry, but I knew that I’d enjoy myself and at the very least make a new friend.

Takeaway: There are SOOO many interesting, wonderful men in this big, beautiful world of ours. B#6 was a welcome surprise – he’s an electrical engineer AND has social skills (no offense to all you EEs out there). He’s also an outrigger canoe instructor (I didn’t even know that such a thing existed) and considers himself a pagan with Buddhist tendencies if he had to put a label on his beliefs.

I feel like my world has expanded from the 2 hours I spent over dinner with him, and when I reflect on the men I’ve met so far I can say that’s true for everyone – that because they’re all new people in my reality with their own hobbies, wants in life, perspectives on the world, my life has become richer for knowing them, even if only for a brief moment in time (yes, even Mr. Sahara Desert). It makes me feel optimistic and even more excited about my 90-day project. Who else will I meet? What other interesting personalities and perspectives of the world will I learn about, and in turn, learn about myself? In what other ways will my world view expand? Hmmm…