Around the Dating World in 90 Days – Date 12

raspberry truffle cake

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #9
Location: Loving Hut & 85 degrees Bakery

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 8
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Yes
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? Yes
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. We talked so much that we were there till after the restaurant closed down and instead of ending the night he wanted to continue to conversation and get me dessert at 85 degrees bakery.
    2. We walked around the 85 degrees bakery mall until after all the shops closed down, just talking and getting to know each other.

What did I learn about myself on this date?
He’s an entrepreneur who had been working in the corporate world previously as an engineer and then as a marketer for a company in San Diego for 15 years. This is his first year running his own self-funded startup and he’s not only very intellectual, but he seems to have a very strong spiritual side too which I really connected with.

I learned that I prefer men who 1) feed me well (dessert is always a nice bonus!) 2) are open and candid about their beliefs and are more spiritual than rule-driven religious

Takeaway: Since B#9 is in his first year running his startup with literally just one customer under his belt he has no steady income stream at the moment. As a mother of two, this is a bit of a concern for me. Not only about the lack of stability/security, but also: can he really have time for a relationship if he’s getting his business off the ground?

I may see B#9 again, but I’m looking for someone more settled at this stage in his life.

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Around the Dating World in 90 Days – Date 11

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #8
Location: Marina Kitchen

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 8
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Yes
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? No
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. Food – GLORIOUS food!! He’s the sous chef and he specially prepared a gourmet 8-course meal for me and my family for my son’s birthday dinner
    2. The walnut shrimp
    3. The swordfish
    4. The 45-day aged steak – I didn’t eat it, but everyone else said it was delicious
    5. …AND he made a tres leches sheet cake for my son’s birthday with Minecraft (my son’s favorite) printed with edible ink on it…
    6. …AND he gave both my kids boxes of macarons and chocolates at the end of the night, telling them that he promised to give their mommy cookies (my favorite) when we met

What did I learn about myself on this date?
My willingness to say “YES” to what comes up can yield some amazing surprises. Did I mention that this was my first time ever meeting this man? We had been texting for a couple of weeks, but with our busy schedules it seemed like we wouldn’t be able to meet any time soon. When I told him my parents would be in town for my son’s birthday and therefore I wasn’t available to go on a date this week, he suggested that I bring everyone to his kitchen. Talk about ballsy. But he got my attention, so I thought, Well, why not? OK, yes!

Takeaway: What I lacked in quantity for dates this week I definitely made up in quality. This man totally blew me away! An eight-course meal, a reserved section in the restaurant where we were the only table, VIP treatment from the servers, and all that delicious food…He really went all out to make it a special night for my son’s birthday and I was so impressed with his thoughtfulness, professionalism, and ahhh..his yummy, velvety voice. For some reason I was worried that he might have a Mickey Mouse voice or something because we’d never even spoken on the phone!  Why that was the only thing I was worried about, I don’t know.

We texted afterwards and we agreed to see each other again – this time without my entourage.

My previous date underwhelmed me by his lack of passion. B#8 is so passionate about his cooking and sharing what he loves. I could taste it in his food, how he engaged with us throughout the night, and in our texts. I’m really looking forward to seeing B#8 again!

 

Around the World in 90 Days – Date 10

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #6 Date 2
Location: Draft Republic (UTC)

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 6
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Yes
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? Yes
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. He asked me if I wanted to take a picture of the tuna tataki before we ate it. (I did).
    2. I accidentally called him the wrong name and he didn’t bat an eye. Either he didn’t hear me (my guess) or he’s super smooth and understands that hey, these things happen. Haha!

What did I learn about myself on this date?
This was a 2-hour date…seems to be my minimum time so far on these dates with the exception of Mr. Sahara. This was my second date with B#6 and although I still found him interesting, I felt less connected. He didn’t want to talk about his views on relationships because he felt it was too soon to have conversations like that, and I appreciated that he was able to communicate that in an honest, mature, and respectful way.

Although the logic behind B#6 on not wanting to be too emotionally open this early on is well, logical, I still found that to be a turn-off, oddly enough. I checked out and lost interest in the other legitimately cool stuff he wanted to share with me – like how he’s traveled all around the world, slept outside on a park bench in one of my favorite cities, Paris, when he couldn’t find his youth hostel, went drag racing, and some other stuff which I can’t even remember now.

Takeaway: Talking about events or people, worldly accomplishments…those do nothing for me without some deeper meaning to give it context. Talking about ideas and what you’re passionate about, what you feel and why, etc., is what gets my attention and inspires me. Hubba-hubba, show me your passion and I’ll show you mine.

Around the World of Dating in 90 Days – Date 9

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #2 Date 3
Location: Bier Garden Encinitas

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 7
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Yes
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? No
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. Bier Garden is beautiful – it has these twiggy trees adorned with fairy lights
    2. We ate cookies and ice cream afterwards, sitting side by side. He held the bowl and while we were chatting he would break up the cookies with his spoon, add ice cream so it was one spoonful of cookie and ice cream, and feed me. It felt natural and sweet (pun intended).

What did I learn about myself on this date?
We chatted for 5 hours and in that time we talked about our jobs, family pets, and then the heavier stuff like the last days of our marriages as they were falling apart, divorce, the day he and his ex told his children that they were separating. It occurred to me that I never dated a man before who had gone through a divorce with children, and his honesty and ability to communicate openly about it really touched me. And I found myself thankful to be in the company of a man who understood the emotional impact of a divorce, and how his story gave me the space to acknowledge and love the part of me that is still healing from it.

Takeaway: Oh no! I like B#2.

Around the World of Dating in 90 Days – Date 8

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #7
Location: Daphne’s Greek Cafe and Cold Stone Creamery

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 7
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Yes
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? Yes
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. He’s been following Tony Robbins for 10+ years so that is a great rapport-builder
    2. He is attentive and generous

What did I learn about myself on this date?
B#7 too closely resembles a past experience i.e. the same lesson in a different pair of pants. And I learned I don’t feel inspired going down that route since I’ve been there, done that. It might not be fair to make that judgment at this point, but from what I learned so far, I can trust my gut and this just feels too familiar to ignore.

Takeaway: This 90-Day project is about exploring, which by definition means “new.” With that in mind, I won’t spend time traveling down a road I’ve traveled down several times before.

Around the World of Dating in 90 Days – Date 7

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #6 
Location: Ballast Point

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 9
  2. Did I enjoy myself? YES
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? Yes
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. Had a glass of wine, calamari, AND a shrimp salad: I came from Zumba class and I was HUNGRY, so I was happy he fed me even though it was the first time we met and even talked
    2. When he stopped in the middle of dinner to tell me he was having a great time (I was too!)
    3. That I arrived in my Zumba workout clothes, sweaty, hair a mess, and he was all dressed up, smelling great with cologne, and looking… well, showered unlike me

What did I learn about myself on this date?
I can trust my instincts. For some reason when I swiped right on B#6 in the dating app I just knew in my gut that this would be an “easy” date, meaning I’d feel comfortable, be myself, and that I’d have an instant easy rapport. I didn’t know if there would be chemistry, but I knew that I’d enjoy myself and at the very least make a new friend.

Takeaway: There are SOOO many interesting, wonderful men in this big, beautiful world of ours. B#6 was a welcome surprise – he’s an electrical engineer AND has social skills (no offense to all you EEs out there). He’s also an outrigger canoe instructor (I didn’t even know that such a thing existed) and considers himself a pagan with Buddhist tendencies if he had to put a label on his beliefs.

I feel like my world has expanded from the 2 hours I spent over dinner with him, and when I reflect on the men I’ve met so far I can say that’s true for everyone – that because they’re all new people in my reality with their own hobbies, wants in life, perspectives on the world, my life has become richer for knowing them, even if only for a brief moment in time (yes, even Mr. Sahara Desert). It makes me feel optimistic and even more excited about my 90-day project. Who else will I meet? What other interesting personalities and perspectives of the world will I learn about, and in turn, learn about myself? In what other ways will my world view expand? Hmmm…

Around the Dating World in 90 Days – Date 6

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #2 Date 2
Location: Besta-Wan Pizza (Encinitas)

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 8
  2. Did I enjoy myself? YES
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? No
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. Friendly service and delicious pizza at Besta-Wan. Plus they had this jukebox that played old school low rider music – had a very cool, laid back, beach-y romantic vibe
    2. Seeing a different part of Encinitas. I’ve been to Encinitas several times before to see the beach, the bakeries, and the gardens. So having local pubs and pizzerias pointed out to me was fun and a different take on a place I’ve visited often
    3. Gentleman: Picked me up, opened doors, paid for dinner, walked me to my door to say good night

What did I learn about myself on this date?
I’m truly a sucker for wit and charm. B#2 and I had been texting since our first date and he’s excellent at literally making me LOL. Plus, he’s been consistent at communicating with me every day and several times throughout the day, which creates rapport and trust (rightly earned or not). Because B#2 is so witty, charming, and communicative, it makes me almost overlook the fact that he does have two kids and what sounds like a crazy ex. My head says, “BE SMART”, but my heart says, “Zippity-doo-dah-zippity-yay! My-oh-my what a wonderful day!”

Takeaway: Funny and charming men who have a way with words are just that. This does NOT mean that you’ll run off into the sunset with said funny and charming men, missy. Breathe. THINK. Focus on long-term goals. Still have 80 more days to go.

Around the Dating World in 90 Days – Date 5

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #5
Location: Ballast Point

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 1
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Barely
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? Nope
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. My glass of Cabernet was awwwesome!
    2. He has really nice eyes and a beard

What did I learn about myself on this date?
Wow, OK, to say that this man was as dry as the Sahara Desert probably isn’t completely fair. He’s super smart – he graduated from Cornell, has a law degree, and is thinking of getting his MBA or CPA. He’s a project manager and he thinks mistakes are unacceptable. He’s a hard worker, is tall, likes to play basketball, and is interested in estate planning. Plus, I liked his eyes and beard.

But man, oh man, I just felt zero, zip, nada, zilch connection. He was eyeing me a bit so I thought, Hmm…he’s got a pulse. But after that bit of aliveness in his eyes, I couldn’t find a vibe to meet him at. We talked a bit about his past relationship, but that returned a fairly dry answer and when I asked him what was he looking for that brought up more sand (figuratively speaking) that slipped so quickly through my mind that I can barely recall what he said. Before one hour was up I told him I had to go, gave him a hug, thanked him, and said it was nice to meet him.  I really do in my heart wish him luck with dating and hope I didn’t come across as abrupt or rude.

Takeaway: I can’t connect with a guy who’s uber logical or…I dunno…”dry.” He wasn’t offensive – just too in his head that I couldn’t feel him at all. And well, I’m all about the feels. So…next!

Around the Dating World in 90 Days – Date 4

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #4
Location: Poway Weapons and Gear Range and Rockin’ Baja Lobster

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 8
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Yes.
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? Yes – Spiritual
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. Talking for over 3 hours at the restaurant
    2. I love that he cared enough to call around and do research to see was the best shooting range to take me to

What did I learn about myself on this date?
Disclaimer: B#4 has been a friend of mine for many years and technically, when we planned this outing we weren’t making it “a date.” However, he’s single, I’m single and he picked me up and paid for the gun range and showed me a great time, so yeah, I will put that in the “date” category. Plus, he’s a great guy so I will flatter myself and say that it was. (And he said he would be happy to be on my 90 Day Tour, so there *sticks out tongue*)

Many people don’t necessarily know this about me, but my spiritual life is THE most important aspect of my life. It’s what drives me and living an inspired life is just that, an “In-Spirit” life. I was raised Catholic, though I’m not necessarily a big fan of dogma or institutions in general (sorry, Mom), but I believe in God, Spirit, The Universe, Jesus, Buddha, and I bow to the Divine in Me and in You (Namaste). So when I’m able to talk about my spiritual life to someone and have them share their spiritual life with me, the connection is strong and I feel a deep kinship. This connection/understanding is important in my friendships and in a partner for sure. B#4 is a believer and consciously focuses on his relationship with God/Jesus and this experience reinforced how much I value that.

Takeaway: A good friend can be an even better date! The qualities that make a good friend definitely translate to good dating material.

Around the Dating World in 90 Days – Date 3

Goals:

I’m committing to 90 days of social dating in order to

  1. Learn more about myself to gain clarity on who and what makes me happy and fulfilled in a romantic partnership
  2. Relax and have a great time

Bachelor #3
Location: Yakyudori (ramen) and Hammond’s Ice Cream

  1. On a level of 1-10 (1=We barely speak the same language, 10=We must know each other from past lives), rate your connection: 7
  2. Did I enjoy myself? Yes.
  3. Do I like what he does for a living? Yes
  4. Does he care about self-development? Yes – Traditional education
  5. Did he treat me with kindness and respect? Yes
  6. Highlights:
    1. When we passed by a church and he said “Let’s get married” <–very cute
    2. How my heart skipped a beat when he arrived at my door to pick me up

What did I learn about myself on this date?
I’ve known B#3 for over two years and at one point a while ago we were boyfriend and girlfriend. But it just didn’t work out for a variety of reasons.

However, I do appreciate his persistence and the effort he puts forth into making me feel like he wants only me and sees a future with me. Having that kind of certainty from a guy means A LOT. A lot of people are afraid to commit and are afraid of getting hurt, so when someone is so straightforward in their intentions it is refreshing.

Takeaway: Sometimes when a door closes it’s OK for it to re-open, especially if the door and the interior behind it has been updated to be more aligned with what I want.